I never wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. You see, I was a classic workhorse. I got my first job at 18 and never stopped working. I had always envisioned myself being a working mom and I was more than okay with that. My mom was a working woman for most of my childhood and, if I may say so myself, she and my dad did a pretty good job of raising my brother and I. So I was prepared to carry the working mom baton. It was my destiny. Right?
Just weeks after having my second baby and knee deep into my nanny research, I was (gasp) laid off from my advertising sales job. I was stunned because after weeks and weeks of going, going, going, everything was grounded to a halt. Suddenly I didn't have to follow up with accounts for my return to work, I didn't have to research and interview potential nannies, I didn't have to carefully plan drop off and pick ups for our daughter who was 2 at the time. Everything in my carefully spinning world that I knew and loved just stopped and I had no idea how to deal with it. I had no idea how to deal with “nothing” if that makes any sense at all. I could juggle 10 things at once, but here I was feeling like a juggler with one pin. An actor with no script. Just me and two little ones day in and day out. My identity as I had always known it (and wanted it to be) was suddenly gone. And so began my journey of becoming a stay-at-home mom.
I fought the idea of becoming a “stay-at-home mom.” I remember disliking that title because it sounded similar to a command you'd give an animal, “stay, stay.” But whether I liked it or not, it was happening. Understand that I had always been excited to have kids. The love I have for them is exceptionally fierce. And like any other mom, I wanted the best for them. But the script I had imagined this taking place in had changed. Drastically.
The time it was taking me to find a new job (during our nations highest unemployment rate) and still being at home with the kids was overlapping increasingly. And so was my frustration. I remember feeling reduced from giving sales presentations to CEOs of Time Inc. (our parent company at one point), and planning million dollar sales goals, to making baby food and changing diapers. All I could think was that I was more than this. Of course now I feel so foolish for even feeling this way. In fact, I'm embarrassed I ever felt this way.
Since we were managing to stay above water with one income, my destiny to be home was becoming more and more apparent. I slowly, but surely started to evolve more into my new role. One that is far more important than sales presentations to CEOs. I am the CEO of raising my kids and I take this role very seriously. Plus, it's more challenging and far more fun than anything else ever could be.
What happened was my life was simplified cold turkey. As much as I kicked and screamed in the beginning, I am such a better mom for it now. I couldn't feel more blessed to have been given this opportunity to be at home with my two kiddos. More importantly I've grown to realize that this is my “season” to be a mom and I'm embracing it and enjoying it full on. I have more of an “I get to” attitude than an “I have to” one. Will I ever go back to work? Possibly. But one thing is for sure, it's not my main priority anymore. Being a stay-at-home mom is:)
Thank you for hearing me out on this near and dear to me subject. And to Theresa for inspiring me to share this story with you. Check out her blog for her very own "Something(s) About Me" and a list of other bloggers sharing something today.
